Here are my pros and cons of being a working and stay at home mom.
The Working Mom
Pros:
- You have a social life. You get to see and talk to other adults every day! You have adult conversations that do not revolve around potty training and feeding and your child's behavior. You get to go to happy hours and adult parties.
- You have a sort of balance in your life. Your life does not 100% revolve around your kids and their needs.
- Your kids go to daycare. Your daycare provider takes a lot of responsibility for things like potty training, discipline, nap schedules, and feeding meals. You just have to maintain this structure over the weekend.
- It is fulfilling. You feel like you are contributing financially to the family (even if it may not be the case with the cost of daycare). You feel like you are making use of the tens of thousands of dollars you spent on your undergrad and graduate degrees. You get to continue doing what you enjoy.
- Your kids learn how to socialize in a group setting. They will be exposed to language from other kids. They will learn how to share and play with others. They will learn how to walk and talk and play from watching older kids.
Cons:
- You are so busy. Life goes by in a BLUR. One day you look up and your kid is one years old and you have no idea how it went by so fast.
- Your child has to go to daycare. Daycare is expensive. Daycare can be scary. You never really know what goes on during the day. Your infant will not be able to tell you if they are left crying all day. They will not be able to tell you if they are played with or read to. They will not be able to tell you if the daycare provider leaves them unattended or watching tv all day. They cannot tell you how long they sat in a poopy diaper. Toddlers cannot tell you if the daycare provider or other kids are mean and yell at them. They will not be able to tell you if they get enough food or if they are hungry all day. Sending your child to daycare will always be a huge risk, no matter how much research you do.
- You miss so many milestones. Often it is the daycare provider who sees the first steps and hears the first words. By the time you pick them up at the end of the day, you feed them dinner and put them to bed. You will feel like a bystander who gets told how often and what they ate, what their favorite toys are, how long they nap, and when they roll over and crawl.
- Your child will cause you to use up all of your sick days on him/her, especially if they are in daycare. All winter kids have bad colds, the flu, stomach bugs, ear infections, or just feel plain lousy. We never felt comfortable sending our baby to daycare when they were not feeling well. All they want is to spend the day snuggling with mommy or daddy.
- Sure, you have balance in your life. But, it takes a lot of work to create and maintain this balance. As a teacher, I was used to staying late at school whenever I wanted (which was a lot of the time). As a mom, you cannot do this or you will never see your child. You cannot pour your heart and soul into your job or you will have nothing left for your baby when you get home. It got to the point when I could not race out of school fast enough just so I could have some time with my little girl. It is hard to maintain the balance of working and being a mom. You cannot give 100% to either. When you are at work, you are thinking of your kid. When you are home, you are thinking of what you need to do for your job or what you did not get done because you had to rush home early. Not to mention you also have to make time for cleaning, making dinner, and spending time with the husband. Oh, and sure you are able to go to parties and happy hours with co-workers. But it is hard justifying spending the night doing these when you are away from the baby all day! It is a constant battle to do it all and you constantly feel like you are never giving enough in each area of your life.
- Your child has to go to daycare. Daycare is expensive. Daycare can be scary. You never really know what goes on during the day. Your infant will not be able to tell you if they are left crying all day. They will not be able to tell you if they are played with or read to. They will not be able to tell you if the daycare provider leaves them unattended or watching tv all day. They cannot tell you how long they sat in a poopy diaper. Toddlers cannot tell you if the daycare provider or other kids are mean and yell at them. They will not be able to tell you if they get enough food or if they are hungry all day. Sending your child to daycare will always be a huge risk, no matter how much research you do.
- You miss so many milestones. Often it is the daycare provider who sees the first steps and hears the first words. By the time you pick them up at the end of the day, you feed them dinner and put them to bed. You will feel like a bystander who gets told how often and what they ate, what their favorite toys are, how long they nap, and when they roll over and crawl.
- Your child will cause you to use up all of your sick days on him/her, especially if they are in daycare. All winter kids have bad colds, the flu, stomach bugs, ear infections, or just feel plain lousy. We never felt comfortable sending our baby to daycare when they were not feeling well. All they want is to spend the day snuggling with mommy or daddy.
- Sure, you have balance in your life. But, it takes a lot of work to create and maintain this balance. As a teacher, I was used to staying late at school whenever I wanted (which was a lot of the time). As a mom, you cannot do this or you will never see your child. You cannot pour your heart and soul into your job or you will have nothing left for your baby when you get home. It got to the point when I could not race out of school fast enough just so I could have some time with my little girl. It is hard to maintain the balance of working and being a mom. You cannot give 100% to either. When you are at work, you are thinking of your kid. When you are home, you are thinking of what you need to do for your job or what you did not get done because you had to rush home early. Not to mention you also have to make time for cleaning, making dinner, and spending time with the husband. Oh, and sure you are able to go to parties and happy hours with co-workers. But it is hard justifying spending the night doing these when you are away from the baby all day! It is a constant battle to do it all and you constantly feel like you are never giving enough in each area of your life.
The Stay at Home Mom
Pros:
- You get to be with your kids every day. You are there to witness every milestone, every funny thing they say. You will know your child better than anyone. You can predict every move they make. You speak their language. You understand their mannerisms. You are the one who sees them start to crawl. You see your kids start to play with each other. You are there to give them kisses when they fall. You are there to support them in their struggles and you are there to celebrate their accomplishments. You are your child's everything.
- You have flexibility every day. If the babies want to sleep in, go for it. If you want to spend the morning watching cartoons, awesome. You are free to lounge in yoga pants or let the kids run around in a diaper all day. You pick the activities to do every day. And there is no pressure if you are having an off day.
- You have flexibility every day. If the babies want to sleep in, go for it. If you want to spend the morning watching cartoons, awesome. You are free to lounge in yoga pants or let the kids run around in a diaper all day. You pick the activities to do every day. And there is no pressure if you are having an off day.
- When your kid is sick, you cancel any plans and stay in the house. You snuggle in bed and watch tv. You do not have to call in sick or find a sub or write sub plans. Your only responsibility is to take care of your sick baby.
- You are in control of everything. You control how and when you potty train. You are in charge of what they eat. You control how your child is disciplined. You make your child's schedule- when they eat, play, and sleep. You decide what and how they learn.
Cons:
- You are with your kids every day. All day. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. Your kids are your life. Your entire life. You forget how to socialize without bringing up your kids because that is all you know. Your life becomes a never-ending story of potty training and solid feeding and teething and tantrums. Going to the grocery store alone becomes the highlight of your week.
- You are so busy. Life goes by in a BLUR. One day you look up and your second child is already 6 months but you could swear you just left the hospital days ago.
- Your days become monotonous. Your children thrive on routine. Any change or special activity could throw them off for days. You wonder how long you can continue to do the exact same thing day after day after day after day....
- When you are sick, the show must go on. Your husband is not going to take a sick day to take care of the kids while you lay on the couch to get better. You have to suck it up, throw on a movie, and hope you can stay awake enough that you notice if one of them is getting into something they shouldn't.
- Cleaning the house and other "housewife" chores seem impossible. When you stay at home, you put pressure on yourself. If I am home, I should be able to have the house spotless, kids dressed and clean, and dinner cooked every day. this is impossible, especially when you have an infant. Between feeding them, changing diapers, putting down for naps, engaging in a little playtime, feeding again, more diaper changes, more naps, going on playdates.... you barely have time to breathe let alone cook or clean. The rare days two kids are napping at the same time, I am so exhausted I need to spend those 20 minutes vegging out or sleeping before the chaos starts again. This does not stop you from thinking you are a failure because the house is a wreck and ten minutes before you need to eat you still have no idea what to make.
- You are so busy. Life goes by in a BLUR. One day you look up and your second child is already 6 months but you could swear you just left the hospital days ago.
- Your days become monotonous. Your children thrive on routine. Any change or special activity could throw them off for days. You wonder how long you can continue to do the exact same thing day after day after day after day....
- When you are sick, the show must go on. Your husband is not going to take a sick day to take care of the kids while you lay on the couch to get better. You have to suck it up, throw on a movie, and hope you can stay awake enough that you notice if one of them is getting into something they shouldn't.
- Cleaning the house and other "housewife" chores seem impossible. When you stay at home, you put pressure on yourself. If I am home, I should be able to have the house spotless, kids dressed and clean, and dinner cooked every day. this is impossible, especially when you have an infant. Between feeding them, changing diapers, putting down for naps, engaging in a little playtime, feeding again, more diaper changes, more naps, going on playdates.... you barely have time to breathe let alone cook or clean. The rare days two kids are napping at the same time, I am so exhausted I need to spend those 20 minutes vegging out or sleeping before the chaos starts again. This does not stop you from thinking you are a failure because the house is a wreck and ten minutes before you need to eat you still have no idea what to make.
