So, since we no longer fit into this category after this week, I have decided to do a two under two post.
When we first got pregnant with Rory, many people asked if we had planned to have them so close in age. The answer is yes. We always wanted them a year and a half to two years apart in age. They are 17 and a half months apart. Having two so close in age means both siblings have a playmate for life. They will never know life without the other. The two will be in diapers together. Once the first year or so is over, they will always be at or close to the same stage in their lives. We will only have one stage of toys (although we may need to get two of everything). They will be close to each other and have many of the same friends. We will only have to plan for one age group during family trips and activities. They will play together, learn from each other, challenge each other.
Another huge and somewhat selfish reason we chose to have two siblings so close in age was really, for lack of better words, to get it over with. Our plan all along was to have two kids. When we decided we were ready to have number two, the realities of having an infant were still fresh in our mind. We knew (or thought we knew) what we were getting into. Raegan was only nine months when we found out we were pregnant. At the time we still remembered the sleepless nights, the teething, the diapers, the constant feeding. But it is truly amazing how quickly you forget these things. It has to be the only reason people continue having so many kids. It is why in three or four years, someone MUST remind me if I ever start thinking three could be an option. In three years, I will have forgotten the what having a newborn is really like.
Physically, my body and having kids did not mesh well. Mostly, of course, due to my personal choices. I did not exercise enough or eat well. After having Raegan, I was not happy with decisions I had made and knew I had to put in a ton of work in order to get my body to a place I felt comfortable and happy. Knowing I wanted another child, I was terrified I would put in all this work only to have to do it all again. I also did not want to wait around for a couple years unhappy with myself. Luckily, I made better decisions during round two and do not have double the work to do. I can concentrate on my goals without worrying about everything coming undone with another pregnancy.
We really had few expectations going into this having two kids thing. We knew it was going to be tough. Two kids would be in diapers. We would have two kids in extremely needy stages in their life. Raegan was still too young to really process the change. We had no idea how she would react. She was going from a life of daycare everyday with kids to play with to being home with mommy and this new baby that requires all of mommy's attention.
Let's start with the good things about having two kids under two. Raegan LOVES her brother. I am confident that she has zero recollection of a life before Rory. Rory is her world. If she goes anywhere without him, the first thing she says is "Where's Rory?" Her face lights up when she hears him wake up. "Gotta go check on Rory!" She loves helping feed him and change his diaper. She loves it now that he can attempt to play with her. She loves that he crawls all over the place, following her wherever she goes. And Rory LOVES his sister. Raegan can always make him smile. She makes him laugh more than anyone else. He wants to do whatever it is she is doing and is often frustrated with his own lack of skills to keep up with her.
Because they are both so close in age, they think they are equal in age and skills. Raegan has no idea Rory is younger than her and cannot do many of the activities she can do. She only sees him as her brother who wants to play with her. Often she will grab his arm and tell him, "Let's go buddy!" and expect him to get up and walk to wherever she is going. When Rory practices standing or crawling or walking, Raegan chimes in, "I wanna practice walking too!" She is often seen crawling around the floor mimicking his moves. Rory also sees himself as the same as Raegan. You can see the frustration on his face while he watches everything Raegan does that he cannot. He practices standing by himself over and over and over. He is extremely determined to be at the same level as her. They both want to eat what the other is eating and do what the other is doing.
While they grow and learn, they will learn from each other. Both of my children are independent and determined. They will constantly challenge each other as they get older. I am sure they will be fiercely competitive with each other. I hope this brings out the best rather than the worst in them.
Some negatives. Under two is a very needy time in a child's life. We are lucky Raegan is very independent. For the most part, she is able to play by herself while I tend to Rory. She is able to help with things like grabbing a diaper, a spit up rag, or some wipes. However, there are many, many times when both my children need me at the same time. There are times that Raegan decides she is not happy that I have to spend 15 minutes feeding Rory and she is stuck in the same room. She will decide she NEEDS your help with something and cannot wait another second without your assistance. One of the worst times is breakfast. I am not a morning person. I do not like being needed in the morning. Both of my children are extremely needy in the morning. Our usual routine consists of Raegan whining because she "is SOOO hungry... need bwekfast now" and Rory crying like he did not just have a bottle one or two hours prior. So between making Raegan her eggs or whatever else she demands in the morning, Rory needs to be spoon-fed his fruit. If you stop for one second to attend to Raegan, the whining starts again. If you are feeding Rory, Raegan wonders loudly where her breakfast is. It has gotten SO much better now that Rory is able to feed himself finger foods. So, instead of going back and forth, Rory is able to eat his mum mums or pinwheels. I can hold off feeding him his actual breakfast until I finish making Raegan's food without either of them driving me crazy.
Bedtime is another time where two kids means you need two parents. We have tried over and over to do a joint bedtime. This does not work in our household. Both kids go to bed at the same time. They take a bath together. After that, trying to do anything with both of them is almost impossible. Basically, they both need the same thing at the same time. If you are the only parent in the house, you have to decide which kid needs to go to bed first on that night, whichever one is barely hanging on. The other kid just hangs out until it is their turn.
Transitions are the worst. Getting into the car. Going from upstairs to the basement. Getting into the stroller. It gets better with time. It is awesome now that Raegan is able to walk next to me or the stroller.... unless she doesn't. Then it just becomes triple the hassle because you have to discipline one while holding the other. Not fun.
One of the hardest things about having two very young children is that neither have any real understanding of social skills. Rory does not understand that he is not supposed to grab toys out of Raegan's hand. He doesn't realize it hurts her when he grabs her hair. Likewise, Raegan doesn't understand that Rory can't walk or talk like she can. They both try their hardest to play together. It is quite amusing watching them learn how to play. Often we end up having to talk to Rory about keeping his hands to himself because that is what we are working on with Raegan and she doesn't understand that he doesn't know better.
I am happy with our decision to have two kids so close together. Everyday has been a challenge. But it is truly amazing being able to watch both of them grow and learn together.
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